The After-Kids Game Plan: 3 Simple Moves to Rediscover Yourself As the Kids Grow Up
When you realize the kids don’t need you every waking minute anymore, you may look up and think: I’m not the same person I once was. And you’re noticing more time, energy, and maybe even a little more budget—with zero idea where to start.
That’s when the wondering begins: “Who am I now that my kids are more independent?” “How do I rediscover myself as my kids grow up without blowing up my life?” When you’re unsure what to do, it’s hard to move forward.
It’s kind of like opening an overstuffed closet—old jeans, Halloween costumes, never-used rollerblades, love notes from forever ago. Relics of a life that doesn’t fit anymore. What happens if we clear space for what’s next? What would happen if all the activities, obligations, “shoulds,” and time-sucks were evaluated in a way that helps us make room to discover who we want to be in this next chapter?
This reminds me of a conversation years ago, when I heard a mom joke that she didn’t enjoy time with her husband because she didn’t really know him anymore. I was shocked! It sounded so sad then; and now, 20 years later, I see it often. Work → kid activities → bed. We forget ourselves—and each other. In my couples coaching, that’s why I focus so much on communication and connection: a gentle reboot is how we create a future we love, together.
Good news: you can bring order to the chaos with a simple three-part After-Kids Game Plan. In this post, I’ll define it and give you 3 practical moves so you can rediscover yourself (even before a true empty nest)—without feeling overwhelmed.
What is the perfect approach for rediscovering yourself after kids grow up?
Your After-Kids Game Plan is a light, repeatable routine to reconnect (with yourself + your partner or someone you trust), notice what gives/steals energy, and run tiny try-outs toward a future that fits.
In other words, It’s three moves—Connect, Make Space, Experiment.
You’ll build momentum without burning out—and you’ll feel closer to your partner/friends along the way. (Bonus: it’s football season…we love a solid game plan. 😉)
Move #1: CONNECT
The Weekly “Dream-Out-Loud” Chat
A 30–45 minute scheduled conversation with your partner or a trusted friend to imagine what’s possible next—and say it out loud.
Identity grows in conversation. For couples, this rebuilds “us,” so do not use this time to hash out scheduling logistics!
Make the time. Too often, we try to squeeze this in between carpool and dishes. It never gets depth, so it never sticks.
The key is to put structure around connection. (Even if that sounds un-sexy - it works!)
To get started:
Pick a consistent slot (e.g., Sunday 7’s: 7 questions in 17 minutes).
Use prompts:
What lit me up this week?
What drained me?
If I had one extra hour, I’d…
One thing I want more of next month is…
What would make our time together feel more “us”?
What tiny thing would move a big dream one inch forward?
What can we say no to this week?
Move #2: MAKE SPACE
The Joy & Drain Audit
A 7-day energy map: quickly track what gives you joy/energy and what depletes you; sort into Keep / Tweak / Release.
Clarity reduces overwhelm. When you see patterns, you make clearer choices and avoid the “add more to a full plate” spiral.
Don’t fall for this common trap: We get excited about the future, stack new goals on top of everything, feel overwhelmed, and retreat to the safe blah. Fear + overwhelm = stuck.
Before you add, make space.
Get started (super simple):
Create two notes on your phone: “+ Joy/Energy” and “– Drain.”
Jot quick entries all week (no essays).
On day 7, label each item A/B/C:
Amplify (do more of this)
Boundary (contain it—time-box, delegate, limit)
Cancel/Change (let go or swap with a better option)
Turn 1–2 Amplify items into scheduled repeats next week. (If it’s not on the calendar, it’s a wish.)
Move #3: EXPERIMENT
The Tiny Experiments Calendar
Micro-tryouts (15–60 minutes) that let you test possible future selves with very low stakes.
Action builds identity. Small reps beat big pressure.
This one needs some expectation setting: It takes practice—and your calendar’s already full. Keep experiments tiny and time-boxed.
The approach:
Choose 3 themes you’re curious about (e.g., creativity, community, adventure).
Pick one 30-minute experiment per theme this week:
Creativity: try a 3-color paint test, write a single poem, or do a 30-minute guitar tutorial.
Community: attend one meetup, text a friend to plan a walk, volunteer for 30 minutes.
Adventure: map a new trail, test-drive kayaking at a rental, explore a nearby town’s main street.
Share + reflect in your next Connect chat:
What felt good? What didn’t?
What’s the next tiny step?
Do we keep, tweak, or release this?
Once you’re doing this regularly, you’ll be well on your way to a future that feels like you.
Putting It All Together for Your After-Kids Game Plan
There you have it—the 3 moves to rediscover yourself as the kids grow up: Connect, Make Space, Experiment. It might sound like a lot, but small reps win.
This week’s mini-assignment:
Schedule one Dream-Out-Loud chat.
Run one Tiny Experiment (15–30 minutes).
Do a lightweight Joy & Drain check every day.
These simple steps will help you avoid overwhelm, rediscover yourself—empty nest or not, and build real momentum toward your next chapter.
P.S. I’m putting together a simple After-Kids Jumpstart Kit (Joy & Drain Audit sheet + 21 Dream-Out-Loud prompts + Tiny Experiments tracker). Want it? Stay tuned—coming next.
